When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough.
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy.
When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wondering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets
Dairy of newly married housewife
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did, to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.
Little Rabbit
A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers...... .....
.
.
.
.
.
.
"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours
every time he's high on cocaine!".....
Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers...... .....
.
.
.
.
.
.
"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours
every time he's high on cocaine!".....
Software engineer and his wife
Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - hae bhagwan !forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.
Wife - I will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer
make a woman happy
To make a woman happy..... A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly
45. Love shopping
46. be honest
47. be very rich
48. Not stress her out
49. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. Never to forget:
* Birthdays
* Anniversaries
* Arrangements she makes
&
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:
1. Leave him alone
Ukhan Tukka English Version Revisited
खाई न पाई छालाको टोपी लाई
Eating na getting, putting leather cap
घाँटी हेरी हाड निल्नु
Look at the neck and swallow the bone
एक कान दुई कान मैदान
One ear two ear, playground
अछ्यु खाए बछ्यु खाए, झुसे बारुलो
Hornet ate bachhyu ate, hairy wasp
काग कराउदै गर्छ पिना सुक्दै गर्छ
Crow crying, pina drying
चिन्नु न जान्नु घचेडी माग्नु
Don't know don't know push and beg
भाग्यमानी को भूतै कमारो
Lucky person has ghost servant
म पनि खान्दानी को छोरा हो
I am also a son of Tiffin Carrierकहिं नभाको जात्रा हाँडीगाउँमा
Nowhere festival in pot villageनखाँउ भने दिनभरिको शिकार, खाउँभने कान्छा बाउको अनुहार
If no eat whole day's hunting, if eat face of uncle
हात्ती आयो हात्ती आयो फुस्सा
Elephant coming elephant coming phussa becoming
केटा केटी आए, गुलेली खेलाए, गुच्चाको नास
Boy girl come, play slingshot, loss of marble
जब भयो राती, तब बुढी ताती
When it becomes night, Wife becomes hot.
कस्लाई के को चिन्ता, घर ज्वाइँलाई खानाको चिन्ता
Who what tension, who what tenstion, House son-in-law eating tension.कस्को बाउको के तागत, म पनि खान्दानको छोरा हुँ
Whose father, what vitamin I'm the son of Tiffin Carrier
Too Cool
1 ) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called
"Saints"
But now they are called.. " IT professionals "
2 ) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3. ) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many,
4. ) Employee:
Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS:
Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
5. ) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6. ) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...!
7. ) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8.) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper:
Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl:
That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant:
What is it?
Interviewer:
Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us
"Saints"
But now they are called.. " IT professionals "
2 ) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:
"If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"
3. ) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that,
One loves too much, And
the other loves too many,
4. ) Employee:
Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..!
BOSS:
Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..!
5. ) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as
GOD ,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
6. ) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams...!
7. ) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
8.) Girl:
Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper:
Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl:
That's good, Give me 12 of them..!
9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you...! "
Applicant:
What is it?
Interviewer:
Its called the "door..!"
10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee.... . Leave them to us